I recently did a press conference promoting my latest project. Although repetitive, I always enjoy these things. As film and TV is shot far in advance, by the time you actually come to promote it, your life has (hopefully) moved on somewhat, it is pleasantly reminiscent to be brought back in time, if only momentarily. Sometimes life moves on so much, that once, when promoting a movie on a live breakfast TV show (of which I was a last minute-oops-slipped-the-mind-of-the-overworked-PR-girl booking), I actually forgot the storyline of the film, its content of which formed the premise of the interviewer's first question. #awkward #wheresthedelaybutton.
I love my job and I can talk about it until the cows come home. I would then happily continue to regale tales until said cows are asleep, such as: how an actress once farted during our scene together and did not acknowledge it, thus denying me an opportunity to corpse and therefore continuing with the scene biting heavily on my lip; how my colleagues and I were once so ill with food poisoning when abroad on location that we were texting each other bowel updates whilst firmly rooted to the toilet seat. [My stories won't just be of poo and farting, but it obviously says a lot about my psyche being the first to jump to mind...]
However; the one question that will no doubt silence me, if not momentarily in my head which feels uncomfortably like forever transmitted on screen, no matter how well I have rehearsed it, is:
"So, what's next for you?"
I love my job and I can talk about it until the cows come home. I would then happily continue to regale tales until said cows are asleep, such as: how an actress once farted during our scene together and did not acknowledge it, thus denying me an opportunity to corpse and therefore continuing with the scene biting heavily on my lip; how my colleagues and I were once so ill with food poisoning when abroad on location that we were texting each other bowel updates whilst firmly rooted to the toilet seat. [My stories won't just be of poo and farting, but it obviously says a lot about my psyche being the first to jump to mind...]
However; the one question that will no doubt silence me, if not momentarily in my head which feels uncomfortably like forever transmitted on screen, no matter how well I have rehearsed it, is:
"So, what's next for you?"
How does one get out of such an unwelcome question? I have done this via:
Unless your reality is actually along the lines of the first column, this inevitable question is never particularly embrace inducing. Ironically, even when you do have projects lined up, if they are not announced, your default answer has to be 'I have an exciting project in the pipeline'. ("That is such a bullshit standard answer for 'I've got nothing lined up'", My agent: "Yes, but you know you have", Me: "fuck that, I want the world to know that I'm still going!")
We all want to slide seamlessly from one project to another, and as ideal as this is, unfortunately this is not the reality for most of us. Admitting to our own selves that we're not working is one thing, but to others; friends, family, fans, press, media, is different. Failure, stigma, judgement, and fear [insert your own detrimental noun here] are all labels that tag themselves undesirably to the idea of lack of work. Another actor's trait is, however much we tell ourselves we don't care what other people think about us, we absolutely do. If you are an exception, please do share why and how, and provide me with ID so I know you are in fact a real human being.
[Cue freakout:
Will my family start pressuring me to get a proper job?
Will my agent drop me?
Will my fans give up on me?
Will the press run a humiliating 'where is she now' feature?
EXUENT rational thought processes STAGE LEFT.]
As much as I want to, I cannot reassure myself that work will come again. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Guaranteed Success and Constant Work all reside in a magical land far far way, the illusion of which was shattered when you realised it was your dad under that Santa suit, and you auditioned for a Pot Noodle advert the day after you wrapped on a big budget movie (my dad never did the Santa thing but the Pot Noodle story is sadly true). However, having worked in this industry for over five years, with projects and roles ascending every time, I must take something away from that.
Here is a paradox that explains everything.
Preface:
I love being on stage, on set, rehearsing, reading a script, I love it. I've even grown to love auditions.
Common belief:
Work is not to be enjoyed. People hate work.
Behaviours associated with above belief:
Moaning, waiting for 5.30pm, counting down until weekend/holiday, drinking excess amounts during time off/evenings to escape.
Conundrum:
So what's wrong with me?
Conclusion:
Periods between 'work', is actually work. This is the part where we knuckle down and do unenjoyable things to make ourselves as good as we can for the next role/project. Work out, be screen ready, use the time to give your skin a break from the make up to restore itself, eat well, sleep lots, update your reel, website, headshots, catch up with old friends and colleagues, watch movies, plays, TV, all these things are work. And yes, these things do cost money. But we also get paid silly money when we do work, so be wise and don't squander your cash because you think you're made for life. Look at Martine McCutcheon as a sad recent example, and read where she spent all her money.
I'm sorry you're not in front of the camera or treading the boards. That is your equivalent of a JP Morgan bonus. If our job really were that easy and enjoyable to boot, any cunt would do it.
Good luck, and here's to the next one.
- Talking so much during the interview and steering it my way that the interviewer has no room/chance to get this poisonous question in; (downside: I have verbal diarrhoea and may be mistaken for being on speed)
- When appearing on talk shows with co-stars, dodge that question by looking at them (downside: super doubly awkward if the other actor is adopting the same deflecting tactic as you).
Unless your reality is actually along the lines of the first column, this inevitable question is never particularly embrace inducing. Ironically, even when you do have projects lined up, if they are not announced, your default answer has to be 'I have an exciting project in the pipeline'. ("That is such a bullshit standard answer for 'I've got nothing lined up'", My agent: "Yes, but you know you have", Me: "fuck that, I want the world to know that I'm still going!")
We all want to slide seamlessly from one project to another, and as ideal as this is, unfortunately this is not the reality for most of us. Admitting to our own selves that we're not working is one thing, but to others; friends, family, fans, press, media, is different. Failure, stigma, judgement, and fear [insert your own detrimental noun here] are all labels that tag themselves undesirably to the idea of lack of work. Another actor's trait is, however much we tell ourselves we don't care what other people think about us, we absolutely do. If you are an exception, please do share why and how, and provide me with ID so I know you are in fact a real human being.
[Cue freakout:
Will my family start pressuring me to get a proper job?
Will my agent drop me?
Will my fans give up on me?
Will the press run a humiliating 'where is she now' feature?
EXUENT rational thought processes STAGE LEFT.]
As much as I want to, I cannot reassure myself that work will come again. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, Guaranteed Success and Constant Work all reside in a magical land far far way, the illusion of which was shattered when you realised it was your dad under that Santa suit, and you auditioned for a Pot Noodle advert the day after you wrapped on a big budget movie (my dad never did the Santa thing but the Pot Noodle story is sadly true). However, having worked in this industry for over five years, with projects and roles ascending every time, I must take something away from that.
Here is a paradox that explains everything.
Preface:
I love being on stage, on set, rehearsing, reading a script, I love it. I've even grown to love auditions.
Common belief:
Work is not to be enjoyed. People hate work.
Behaviours associated with above belief:
Moaning, waiting for 5.30pm, counting down until weekend/holiday, drinking excess amounts during time off/evenings to escape.
Conundrum:
So what's wrong with me?
Conclusion:
Periods between 'work', is actually work. This is the part where we knuckle down and do unenjoyable things to make ourselves as good as we can for the next role/project. Work out, be screen ready, use the time to give your skin a break from the make up to restore itself, eat well, sleep lots, update your reel, website, headshots, catch up with old friends and colleagues, watch movies, plays, TV, all these things are work. And yes, these things do cost money. But we also get paid silly money when we do work, so be wise and don't squander your cash because you think you're made for life. Look at Martine McCutcheon as a sad recent example, and read where she spent all her money.
I'm sorry you're not in front of the camera or treading the boards. That is your equivalent of a JP Morgan bonus. If our job really were that easy and enjoyable to boot, any cunt would do it.
Good luck, and here's to the next one.